My [expletive] Day.

The cool morning sun begins its slow blaze. I snore gently and roll over, pulling my blanket over my head. Then a small red Volkswagon crashes through my bedroom wall. "Gnhg?.." I grunt in drowsy surprise. A large, angry man steps out of the car. "What's this house doing here, then? Right in my way, it was!" he says in a faux British accent. "Oh. Um. I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking", I apologise with a confused sort of guilt. "Now, see here", he says. "I'll let you off this time, but don't let me catch you doing it again." I nod groggily as he gets back into his battered vehicle and reverses out of my first-floor bedroom.

I stumble out of bed and make my way to the bathroom, where I discover that I've developed male pattern baldness overnight. Stranger still, said pattern appears to be a triangle, or a rhombus of some sort. I shrug and greet my wife good morning as I walk downstairs for breakfast. That's strange; I don't remember being married. At least I have my familiar cup of coffee, then. "Deeear!" screeches my wife from the kitchen. "You're not supposed to be having coffee! Think of the baby!" Baby?.. I look down at my belly. "I'm pregnant!?" I exclaim. "Of course you are! Don't be silly; It's been eight months!" comes the reply. "B-But--", I begin to stammer. I run out the door in panic, and have only time to think "Where did the ground go?" before plunging downwards.

Then I wake up. It was all a dream.

A small, red Volkswagon crashes through my bedroom wall.

"Oh, [expletive]."

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How's that for a school English assignment? Three cheers for written posts!